500 Words a Week - Giving the worst of ourselves to the most important people
“If there were a recipe for accumulated disaster, it would be giving the best of ourselves to the least important things and the worst of ourselves to the most important things.” – Shane Parrish
The above quote was from Shane Parrish’s new book, “Clear Thinking”. Upon reading this quote, the message Shane is portraying really stood out to me as I know it’s something I can be guilty of. I think the above quote stands out even more if you read it again but replace things with person or people.
Unfortunately, Shane’s right. Far too often do we give the best version of ourselves to those or the things of the least importance. Then we have nothing left to give to those who we really need to be there for. While referring to people as least important might seem harsh, in many circumstances it may be true. Think to the people from your past the above applies to, when you went above and beyond to give the best version of yourself to someone. Are they still in your life now?
Now think about your current situation. Which people around you do you see in your life over the next 5, 10, 20 years? Are you giving these people the best or worst version of yourself? If it’s your worst, the time with which you forecasted them being in your life might change. Sometimes we can take these people for granted, assuming they will always be a constant presence in our life. Assuming they will always be there for us. When in reality, if we continue giving the most important people in our life the worst version of ourselves, they may not always be there.
An argument people have for not always being there for those close to them is the preference to quality time over quantity. They mistakenly put forward the idea that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend with those close to you, as long as that time is of high quality.
What this argument fails to see is, you need large quantities of time to generate quality time. You can’t flick a quality time switch.
“There's no such thing as 'quality' time: Time is time. In fact, as Jerry Seinfeld said, garbage time — eating cereal together late at night, laying around on the couch — is actually the best time. Forget chasing huge experiences. It’s all wonderful, if you so choose.” – Ryan Holiday
What I like from Ryan’s quote is it reminds us to not take the “garbage time” for granted. To spend an extra 30 seconds saying hello or goodbye to make that interaction more joyful. To appreciate the mundane Tuesday evenings watching Netflix with someone close to us. To realise all these little ways we spend our time, significantly add up over the course of our life, and the more present we can be during them, the more texture and meaning we can add to our life.
