500 Words a Week - Does your compassion include yourself?

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” - Jack Kornfield

I bought a pair of shoes the other day, which upon buying I begin to fret for the rest of the evening whether I should have bought them or not.

If this was to get something for someone else, I wouldn’t have even given it a second thought.

It raises an interesting point in terms of what do we truly think of ourselves?

When I begun to reflect further on the purchase and why I get so worked up around it. It came down to feelings of not deserving them. On thinking further, for me, this is something I and I think others struggle with. Constantly putting ourselves down. Showing compassion and empathy to those around us, but never shining that light on ourselves.

We regularly brush off comments such as the quote above, around being compassionate to ourselves. Or maybe when we read it does resonate with us, but a few minutes later we are back to critiquing everything we do. What we need to realise is in allowing our compassion to include ourselves, we are in turn becoming a better person for those around us. A more compassionate, patient and joyful person.

How much enjoyment do we get from being our worst critic?

How much of our life do we miss from being stuck in our head berating ourselves over a small mistake we made?

When we start to realise that we are actively subtracting from our experience and our ability to enjoy life by constantly judging ourselves, I think we begin to understand that something needs to change.

How do we start to make that change?

We start by noticing when that little voice in our head begins to nag at us. It’s only by noticing this can we change it. When we do notice it, can we ask ourselves “Is this helping me?” If we constantly find ourselves saying no to all these nagging opinions we have of ourself, we lessen the hold they have over us.

Something I read during the week encouraged us to trust ourselves more.

“If we fully trust ourselves, life becomes so much easier. We can step into the unknown, out of our comfort zone, take risks, and act with confidence. We can ask for what we want, and trust that it’s OK to want something. We can choose from the heart, and trust the heart’s desire.”

By allowing our compassion to include ourselves, by trusting in ourselves more, we open up more of life to us, we allow ourself to enjoy the moment.