500 Words a Week - Complaining Mindset

I’ve found myself stuck in a mindset at times over Christmas, without really knowing or understanding why I was experiencing certain feelings. I just found myself zoning in on all the negatives going on around me or what I was experiencing. I was getting a little fed up with how I was feeling and was struggling to break out of this mindset. Until I listened to an exert from Sam Harris’ Waking Up App. In this exert Joseph Goldstein talks about our “Complaining Mindset”.

Joseph discuss’ how he was staying at a monastery in Burma. In which he was surrounded by noise. On one side of the monastery was were some of those living in the area would do their washing by pounding their clothes on the rocks. On the other side, there was construction happening in the monastery. He found himself getting caught up in all the noise, causing him to spiral into thoughts of “how could they do this”. He has supposedly come here to become more enlightened yet all he was experiencing was this noise around him.

Then at a certain point he realized he was in this space of struggle, and he asked himself the question “what’s happening in my mind?”. He then realised he was stuck in a complaining mindset.

In that very moment of Joseph being mindful of how he was feeling, rather than being lost in it or identifying with it, it ceased to be a problem. In the moment of being mindful of the mind complaining, the mind ceased to complain.

I think this expands to many emotions and feelings. We can find ourselves becoming trapped and lost in them. Which then prevents us from thinking clearly and rationally about what is going on as everything we are experiencing is clouded over by the emotions or feelings going on in our head.

The trick, that is easier said than done, is when we are feeling ourselves experiencing these negative emotions or feelings, can we step back from the situation. Can we be mindful of our thoughts rather than identifying with them and losing ourselves in them.

Another thing that I’ve come across that has helped me with these types of feelings or emotions and is a little more manageable than trying to be mindful of them is the HALT acronym. HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired and identifies four risk states that affect our mood and behaviour. When we find ourselves rushing to big decision due to how we are feeling, is it due to any of these HALT states. Or when we find ourselves about to react in a negative way, can we understand that we aren’t thinking clearly as we may be in one of these 4 states.

The thing is both of the above link into each other. When we are feeling a little down, a little negative, can we assess whether we are experiencing any of the HALT risk states. By doing this, we are in turn becoming more mindful about how we are feeling. Allowing us to step back and gain some clarity in the moment.