500 Words a Week - Choosing how we react/ Thinking about our Death
Sometimes unbeknownst to ourselves, we have a choice in how we react to what goes on around us. In the majority of cases, we let our emotions, or our feelings dictate how we react. Rather than seeking to pause, gain some clarity and determine how we want to react.
As an example, someone makes a comment that bothers you. The conversation is over, the person may not even be aware they said something to bother you, yet you’re stuck in your head swirling around a whirlpool of endlessly replaying what was said. Endlessly thinking about how else you could have reacted. Unfortunately, the only person that suffers during these moments is us. We are actively making our situation worse. We’ve all been there. Endlessly ruminating over what someone said into the depths of our evening, and before we know it our evening has passed. Gone, never to be had again, and we’ve spent it stuck in our head.
What can be hard for us to realise is that we have a choice into how these situations go. We can choose whether to be bothered or not.
There’s a wonderful thought experiment we can go through in moments like this, or also when making decisions. We can contemplate what we would say on our death beds. When I’m on my death bed am I truly going to care about what this comment was? The answer is a resounding no, so it can help us move on.
Dwelling on our impermanence, can bring a feeling of clarity to our current situation.
When making decisions, we can ask ourselves, when I’m on my death bed which will I regret more?
While this thinking may seem morbid, it allows us to establish what is important in our life and it gives us a sense of urgency to act on what is important to us. We feel a deeper appreciation and gratitude for our life. I think it also allows us to further realise that all we have is the here and now, and to not get caught in spiralling thoughts such as above.
In going about thinking about our death, Arthur C Brooks recommends two things:
1, Make it a routine. By making it regular, we make it less scary for ourselves. “Spend a certain amount of time as you wake up, thinking I don’t know what this day is going to bring but I know my life isn’t going to last forever, so I’m going to use this day to lift people up and bring them closer together therefore bringing me happiness (Paraphrased from Arthur).”
2, Make a promise to yourself that you aren’t going to postpone what matters most. If you knew you had a month left to live, would you work that extra hour, or would you go and spend it with those close to you?
