500 Words a Week - Are We Creating Our Own Unhappiness?

As we ponder through life, we begin to become aware of all the ways we have been complicit in creating the conditions we so regularly complain about. We are the makers of our own mess, the creators of our frustrations. We hold ourselves back and hinder our progress. We are our own worst enemy.

There are two guilty ways we have been complicit in our own suffering.

The first is pretending it isn’t there. Pretending that everything is ok, as we trudge through life. With each step losing the vigour and energy we once had for everything that’s happening around us. We don’t know how to make a change so we just pretend. We pretend the life we are currently living is the one we have always wanted. We settle. We bend our values and actions to what we think people want from us.

The second is succumbing to the weight of our own suffering. We have allowed ourselves to develop the conviction that it’s too late for us, that life has passed us by, we have missed our chance. We retire each evening to the couch, and hide ourselves in re-runs of our favourite show.

I know these two experiences because I’ve lived them. Managing to drag myself through the day at work, to return home and try to bury myself in the cracks of the couch. There are times when I feel that if it wasn’t for my wife (my girlfriend at the time) encouraging me to move cities with her and a close friend recommending I talk to someone, I could very well still be on that couch. 

I’ve been through the time of trying to pretend everything is ok. Trying to put on a brave face, when something inside us knows everythings not ok. When someone asks how we are doing, we respond with we are fine and attempt to quickly move the conversation on before truly exploring how we are feeling, before we allow the emotions inside us to boil to the surface.

I encourage us to think about how we may have been complicit in our own conditions. The good news is, if we put ourselves in this position, we can get ourselves out. We can take action, we can seek the help we think we need. We can let those close to us in, and talk about what we are experiencing. In turn, with being honest about our own journeys and feelings, we may encourage those around us to also.

This is a major reason why I have made my own career transition, to help other individuals through these times. To help us feel less alone in our own battles. To help lift others up, and to help us understand that we are far more resourceful than we think we are. That we have the courage within us to make a change, that we don’t need anyone's permission to start. Sometimes, we just need a friendly reminder of this.

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love" - Marcus Aurelis